I recently joined a local Business Networking International (BNI) group. This is a group of independent professionals who gather early in the morning one day each week to network and support each other’s business success. It’s a referral group – we learn about each other’s businesses and then we refer clients to each other.
There are currently 32 members in the group I am joining, each from a different profession. So there is no competition for referrals, there is only one of each profession allowed in a group. If I come across someone needing a particular service, I don’t have to pick who in my group to give the referral to – there will be only one person who offers that service. So there is one attorney, one accountant, one real estate agent, one chiropractor, one interior designer, one dentist, one insurance agent, one massage therapist, etc. I am the one Spiritual Life Coach.
As you can imagine, one of the key elements for this referral group to work, is Trust. As one of my mentors, Fabienne Fredrickson says, “Before people will buy from you, they must first KNOW you, then they must LIKE you, and then they must TRUST you.” Trust is the foundation of ANY rewarding relationship – business or otherwise. Think about it, as soon as you can no longer trust someone, whether friend, lover, or business, that relationship is doomed. As the old saying goes “Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.” Most people are willing to give people a chance to prove their trust-worthiness. But once that trust has been lost, it’s usually lost for good.
So where does trust come from? Trust is something that is built up over time by keeping your word. By doing what you say you will do. In this manner, you become predictable and reliable in the eyes of others. We like predictability and reliability, and we tend to avoid that which is unpredictable or unreliable.
In this blog we take a closer look at trust and the things that destroy not only trust, but something even more important! Yes, lying, cheating, and stealing destroy trust and our relationship with others. However, they destroy something even more important than that (Hint: this “something even more important” is one of the main things the Major Good Mojo System can build and create for you. And once you have it, you have no need for lying, cheating, or stealing)
Let’s take a closer look at these “bad” things that tend to destroy trust and relationships: Lying, Cheating, and Stealing. Why do we think these things are bad? Common answers would probably include things like: because they hurt others, or because we would not want people to do them to us, or because they cause more problems than they solve. I would agree with all those answers, however, there is a far more important and powerful reason to not engage these behaviors. Can you guess what that is?
Let’s first establish that people lie, cheat and steal because they think they will personally gain from doing so, right? People will have perfectly good reasons (to them) why they need to lie, cheat, or steal. From an evolutionary survival standpoint, it looks to them as if the benefits are greater than the costs. And for many people who engage in these things, that is probably true – in the SHORT term. What they are not seeing (at least initially) is the long term, DEVASTATING effects, of these behaviors.
Let’s start with lying. What’s the real reason someone would tell a lie? They tell a lie because they are afraid of the truth, whatever that truth may be. So, when you tell a lie, you affirm, whether consciously or subconsciously, “I am afraid of the truth, I cannot handle the truth, I am afraid and not big enough or strong enough to handle the truth, I don’t trust myself, others, or the Universe.” To sum this up, when you tell a lie you affirm “I am afraid and weak.” Ouch.
OK, how about cheating. What’s the real reason someone would cheat? Once again, they cheat (on their taxes, on bills, on their spouse, in games, on services provided, on whatever) because they are afraid of losing something, whether money, pride, time, love, whatever (once again, notice fear at work here). So, when you cheat, you affirm, whether consciously or subconsciously “I cannot win with integrity, I am not good enough to win fair and square, I am weak and must make up for that weakness somehow, I cannot win on my own and need special help and advantage.” To sum this up, when you cheat you affirm “I am a loser.” Ouch.
OK, how about stealing. What’s the real reason someone would steal? (You’re probably starting to see a pattern here). Once again, they steal because they are afraid, afraid they cannot provide for themselves (again, notice the fear at work here). So, when you steal, you affirm, whether consciously or subconsciously “I am poor, I cannot afford what I want and need, I cannot provide for myself, the Universe is not abundant, there is not enough for everyone, especially me.” To sum this up, when you steal you affirm “I am poor.” Ouch.
Through all these examples there is FEAR underlying the motives for the actions, and when you do not face and embrace your fears, you affirm your weakness. You affirm that you do not TRUST YOURSELF OR THE UNIVERSE (to be strong enough, big enough, and to provide for you). This is the real reason you do not want to engage in lying, cheating, and stealing. You are undermining the most fundamental aspect for true power, freedom, and fulfillment in life: The fact that relationships are ruined is only a symptom, it’s only a mirror reflecting back to you that you’ve destroyed your most important relationship – the one with yourself and the Universe. So, Trust in yourself and the Universe.
The more you avoid your fears, the more you affirm your weakness. The more you face and embrace your fears, the more you affirm your power and strength. It’s that simple, folks. And this is true not only with lying, cheating and stealing, but with all our choices in life. Are fear, worry, and concern running your life? Or are love, trust, and power running your life? If you’re like most people, it’s probably a blend, and depends on the area of life we are talking about. Just know that moment by moment, in ALL areas of your life, you get to choose. And with each choice, you affirm something about yourself, about others, and about the Universe.
God, Great Spirit, Universal Intelligence, Source wants us to live from love, trust, and power. That’s why when we choose, act and affirm from there we get stronger (and when we choose, act, and affirm from fear, we get weaker). And, the beauty is, the more you practice choosing from love, trust, and power, the easier it becomes.
Affirming that you are strong enough, big enough, and provided for is a major aspect of the Major Good Mojo coaching program. If you want to establish trust in yourself and in the Universe, I invite you to engage the The Major Good Mojo Coaching Program.
Your Major Good Mojo Assignment:
Bring awareness to your everyday choices and actions, especially those where you are inclined to cheat a little, tell a white lie, or even take or keep something that is not yours. Ask yourself, “What is the source of my actions? Am I coming from fear or love?” If you are coming from love, awesome! Embrace that choice and action and move forward. However, if you are coming from a fear of some kind, see if you can identify what that fear is, e.g. there is not enough to go around, I’ll get hurt, I’ll hurt others, others will take advantage of me, etc. Choose instead to come from love and trust, choose instead to hold yourself (and others) higher and more capable. Choose to affirm “I am strong enough, I and everyone else CAN handle the truth, and there is enough for everyone, including me.”
Congratulations, you are one step closer to Major Good Mojo!